


irrational human behaviour

by rhapsodies



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, i cannot believe i typed this with my own two hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhapsodies/pseuds/rhapsodies
Summary: Makkachin is no romantic expert, but he's doing his best.





	

**Author's Note:**

> if you have ever thought "what is makkachin thinking about all this" then THIS is the story for YOU

Japan is _cold,_ and he and Friend: Victor have been in it for less than two hours before Friend: Victor abandons Makkachin in the snow. Makkachin is used to the snow, because when they are at home Friend: Victor forces him out even when it covers the park in a thick white coat and sticks to Makkachin’s fur, but he strongly disapproves of Friend: Victor leaving him alone. 

Makkachin’s sense of smell is excellent, and he knows there are humans eating inside. If there’s one thing Makkachin’s sure of, it’s that he deserves a good human meal after all this, and scratches impatiently at the door. It’s not like Friend: Victor to leave him like this- what if Friend: Victor is in _danger?_ Makkachin isn’t much of a fighter, but he’d do his best–

Suddenly, the door opens.

“Vicchan?” the human asks blankly. All the blood drains from his face in a way that Makkachin has learned means human emotion: shock. The new human is shorter than Friend: Victor, but looks much softer and therefore better for sleeping on.

“Actually, I’m Makkachin,” Makkachin corrects, and takes the opportunity to slip past the new human into the waiting warmth, accidentally sending the new human toppling to the floor. Makkachin refuses to feel bad- if anyone _should_ be guilty, it’s Friend: Victor. Makkachin considers the possible repercussions of peeing in Friend: Victor’s bed, which, he has been informed, is a Bad Thing.

The smell is even more tempting now that Makkachin has gained entry. He pads over to the new human. “Have you seen Friend: Victor?” he asks, but isn’t surprised when the new human doesn’t answer him. Humans, Makkachin has learned, are rather stupid.

“Doesn’t he look just like Vicchan?” says an even newer human. He’s older than the new human and Friend: Victor. “He arrived with a handsome foreign guest.”

Makkachin assumes he means Friend: Victor, unless there is a stream of humans coming to this particular human dwelling in Japan with dogs in tow.

The new human pales even further, if such a thing is possible. Makkachin is worried about him, and licks his face, but then the new human speeds away faster than Makkachin would’ve believed possible.

“Right,” he barks, “where do you keep your food in a place like this?”

The newer human coos.

\--

Makkachin learns three things very quickly.

The first:

The new human’s name is Yuuri. He learns this from the Friend: Victor when the humans are eating. “Yuuri,” Friend: Victor says, and shakes his head, “your family’s cooking is delicious,” a fact that Makkachin agrees with even though he is currently punishing Friend: Victor for leaving him outside by pretending that Friend: Victor is not there. Makkachin has known Friend: Victor all his life, and knows that Friend: Victor thrives on attention the way that Makkachin thrives on chasing the brown rabbits in the park.

Anyway. Human: Yuuri, formerly known as the new human, turns bright red in a way that reminds Makkachin of the time of day just before the sky turns dark. A human feeling: embarrassment.

“Ignore him,” Makkachin tells Human: Yuuri, and rests his head on Human: Yuuri’s lap even though he’s unsure exactly _why_ Human: Yuuri is embarrassed. “He’s a fool.”

Regardless, Makkachin lets Friend: Victor brush all the knots out of Makkachin’s fur that night, and curls up close to Friend: Victor when he sleeps.

Second:

They are not leaving Japan any time soon. Friend: Victor is prone to long absences, but he has never taken Makkachin with him before, which is suspicious.

Makkachin goes to sleep, and he wakes up, and he learns all the best places to chase all the new fluffy creatures outside Human: Yuuri’s house, and Friend: Victor never mentions returning to Russia. Makkachin wonders what will happen to all the cats in the park, if he is not there to put them in their places, but clearly that does not concern Friend: Victor. Besides, the human food here is far superior to all of Friend: Victor’s attempts to create sustenance. Makkachin loves Friend: Victor, and Friend: Victor is, after all, his designated human, but even he won’t eat Friend: Victor’s food, for fear of sickness.

And finally:

It comes to Makkachin’s attention that Friend: Victor desires Human: Yuuri. It takes a while for Makkachin to notice this, because Makkachin is distracted by all the new tastes and smells of Japan (the food! Makkachin even chases after it in his dreams).

He’s lying next to Friend: Victor in Friend: Victor’s designated room, and Human: Yuuri is there too, because Friend: Victor asked him so that they could, “Get to know each other better!”

“There’s nothing to know about me- I’m pretty boring.”

Friend: Victor uses the hand not stroking through Makkachin’s fur to rest gently against Human: Yuuri’s face. “You are a marvel,” he says.

Human: Yuuri goes red again, which is expected, and blinks rapidly.

“I’m not- I’m just _me._ ”

Makkachin is sure that Human: Yuuri has missed the point. He looks between the two humans with interest, giving up all pretence of going to sleep. They’re both smiling now, heads ducked, and it isn’t at all like Friend: Victor to show a trait that Makkachin associates with the feeling: embarrassment–

“You _like_ him,” Makkachin says, “you sly human!”

The two of them ignore him. Makkachin expects no less.

\--

“Human: Yuuri,” Makkachin says. “It is my duty to inform you that Friend: Victor wishes to mate with you.”

“What if he secretly hates me, Makkachin?”

Makkachin cannot sigh in a way that conveys the emotion: exasperation, but he wishes he could. “He wishes to _mate with you_.”

“I feel awful,” Human: Yuuri continues. “He’s just- such a great skater, the best- and- and I’m just _me._ He could still be winning medals if he wasn’t wasting his time with me.”

“Please mate with Friend: Victor.”

“If he goes back to Russia-”

There is no way that Friend: Victor will return to Russia without first having completed some bizarre human ritual that ties him to Human: Yuuri forever, but Makkachin cannot express this. He licks a stripe up Human: Yuuri’s face apologetically. Friend: Victor is not the only one fond of this human. “Don’t be stupid,” Makkachin tells him, and settles down on his lap.

\--

Makkachin had begun to assume that he and Friend: Victor were the only ones from Russia here. Clearly, he was wrong, because as he’s resting, stomach pleasantly full, the small yellow-haired human that Makkachin had long-ago named Emo Asshole stomps in.

 “Hello, Emo Asshole,” he says politely.

Emo Asshole’s expressive human face contorts. “ _You_ ,” is all he says.

He wishes that Friend: Mila had come to Japan instead. Friend: Mila spoils Makkachin something rotten.

Makkachin stares up at Emo Asshole in the way he knows makes humans do what he wants them to do. Sure enough, Emo Asshole eventually stops glaring at Makkachin long enough to pet at Makkachin’s fur. “Don’t tell anyone about this,” Emo Asshole says, in his usual asshole manner.

(Makkachin is very good at secrets. For instance, he tells the Emo Asshole, “Friend: Victor wishes to mate with the Human: Yuuri,” and the Emo Asshole doesn’t understand him at all, which is disappointing, because Makkachin had hoped the Emo Asshole would help him).

Makkachin arches into the scratch of Emo Asshole’s nails. “Of course,” he agrees.

\--

“Oh my God,” the Emo Asshole says, one night before he disappears as abruptly as he came, “Victor’s in love with him, isn’t he?”

Makkachin does not remember anyone mentioning Friend: Victor being _in love_ before. He’s not sure he completely understands the concept, but perhaps it explains Friend: Victor’s sudden irrational behaviour.

“Tell me about it,” Makkachin replies.

\--

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

“Of course he feels the same,” Makkachin says in outrage. Friend: Victor is eminently lovable; Human: Yuuri would be a fool if he did not want to mate with Friend: Victor, and Makkachin is reasonably certain that Human: Yuuri is not a fool.

Other things Makkachin has noticed that prove his point, a non-exhaustive list:

  * Human: Yuuri watches Friend: Victor near constantly, when he believes that Friend: Victor is not watching back
  * The reason Human: Yuuri is embarrassed around Friend: Victor is because he believes Friend: Victor does not sincerely want to mate with him, not because Friend: Victor is unappealing, even though in Makkachin’s humble opinion, all humans are unappealing. Instances include saying, “Hngh,” intelligently when Friend Victor complimented Human: Yuuri on a certain way of styling his hair, and tripping over when he sees that Friend: Victor is looking his way
  * Makkachin has seen the glossy pictures of Friend: Victor in Human: Yuuri’s sleeping-room, which, gratifyingly, sometimes include Makkachin too



“At least I always have you, my Makkachin.”

Makkachin attempts to sigh, loudly and with feeling.

\--

Then Friend: Victor and Friend: Yuuri, formerly Human: Yuuri, formerly the new human, leave Makkachin behind in Japan.

“I’ll miss you, Makkachin,” Friend: Victor whispers into Makkachin’s fur. That is how Makkachin knows Friend: Victor will return, and if Friend: Victor is returning then Friend: Yuuri will be too.

Friend: Yuuri is worried, Makkachin can tell from his deep frown, but he hugs Makkachin tightly.

It is some time later that Friend: Yuuri’s human family watch Friend: Victor and Friend: Yuuri on the small box that humans use for entertainment. In that time, Makkachin has been bathed, and eaten six bowls of food, and failed to catch any of the quicksilver squirrels in the garden.

He recognises Friend: Yuuri moving inside the box. He is far more graceful in the box then Makkachin has ever seen him be in life. He doubts Friend: Yuuri in the box would ever trip when Friend: Victor watches.

Friend: Yuuri stops moving. A voice from inside the box is screeching excitedly about, _“A quadruple flip at the end of the program- none of us expected that! The signature move of his coach, Victor Nikiforov-”_

And then Makkachin forgets about the voice inside the box, because he sees Friend: Victor run towards Friend: Yuuri and smile, softly (it’s the specific smile that Makkachin has realised he gives _only_ to Friend: Yuuri), before kissing him soundly.

The voice in the box shouts something, and all the humans in the room begin to shout, too, and inside the box Friend: Yuuri smiles happily even though Friend: Victor has essentially pushed him on to the floor. Makkachin will never understand humans, but he feels strangely content at the sight.

Makkachin is no expert in romance. He curls up by the box, which is leaching noise like you wouldn’t believe, and goes to sleep with the satisfaction of a job well done.


End file.
